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America Announces Boycott of all Things Scottish
TOAST IN THE MACHINE
Quentin Prangle explains why it was deemed necessary for Wendy to go into rehab
NEWS
Paul McCartney Quizzed in Michael Jackson Death Probe
NEWS
MP for St Tiffin’s on the Verge accused over ‘assassination’ expenses claim
LANCE ORTON:ACTOR
Lance Orton reminisces on his time in the East End
OMBUDSMAN-
Address all your complaints and queries here. MEET THE TIFFIN TEAM-
Get to know the people who make it all happen. CITY GUIDE
The sights, sounds, and smells of St. Tiffins on the Verge. SUBMISSIONS
Think you can make it as one of the Tiffin Team? You probably can. Dont be so hard on yourself. PHOTO CREDITS AND LINKS
For people who like to read credits, and visit other websites. ARCHIVES
Take a wistful stroll through our days of yore.
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 NEWS
America announces boycott of all things Scottish in response to freeing
of Lockerbie bomber Megrahi By Eleanor Childress United in
America announces boycott of all things
Scottish in response to freeing of Lockerbie bomber Megrahi
By Eleanor Childress
United in their outrage at the release of the man convicted of the Lockerbie
bombing, America has today embarked on a complete boycott of all Scottish goods
and services, said a spokesman for the U.S. Government this morning:
"We're refusing to vacation in Scotland, to drink scotch whiskey, and McDonalds
has been forced to abandon plans for its' McHaggis burger," said the spokesman:
"We've even made this boycott retroactive, and are now refusing to use postage
stamps, telephones, televisions and anaesthetic, all of which were invented in
Scotland. We've even stopped cloning mammals."
Continue reading this article
TOAST IN THE MACHINE
New Page 1
Hey, science-lovers! Unfortunately, Wendy can't be here today, so I, Quentin
Prangle, her beloved husband, decided to step in for the month. However, first,
I think I should clarify a few things and dispel a number of rumours that have
been spread by some of the more hysterical members of our community and the
yellow press, who seem to have moved their base of operations to Chesney Hawkes
Newtown.
So, let's address these serious and potentially libellous misrepresentations
of the truth one by one:
Continue reading this article
NEWS
Paul McCartney Quizzed in Michael Jackson Death Probe
Paul McCartney Quizzed in Michael Jackson Death
Probe
By Austin Tabernacle
LA Police have released former Beatle Paul McCartney on bail after questioning
him about the circumstances of Michael Jackson’s death. Their suspicions were
raised when they were alerted to a recorded conversation between the two men in
which they argued over an as yet un-named woman. An excerpt from the recording
now follows:
PM: She told me that I'm her forever lover, you know, don't you remember?
MJ: Well, after loving me, she said she couldn't love another.
PM: Is that what she said?
MJ: Yes, and if you keep on like this I’m going to have to rip off your head and
shit down your throat!
PM: Come on then! You think just because I was the
cute one, you think I can’t fuck shit up? I’ve had bigger men than
you killed and gotten away with it! What do you think really happened to Elvis?
I did, motherfucker!
Continue reading this articleNEWS
New Page 1
MP for St Tiffin’s on the Verge
accused over ‘assassination’ expenses claim
By Austin Tabernacle
St Tiffin’s on the Verge has become embroiled in the scandal over MP’s expenses
after it emerged yesterday that the town’s Conservative MP - Sir Monty
Ludo-Possett - had claimed £1.5 million pounds for expenses listed as “the
removal of one’s enemies”. The expense claim, which is believed to be related to
executions and the hiring of a professional assassin to undertake them, was
revealed yesterday morning in a national newspaper, and has already sparked
calls for Sir Ludo-Possett’s resignation:
Continue reading this article
LANCE ORTON:ACTOR
Lance Orton: Actor
Hello once again. It has been a few months since I have been with you and
what a troubled few months it has been for me following my portrayal of Edgar
Ingus Tiffinjay in the St Tiffin‘s Day nativity. I have been reaping the fruits
of my dedication to the thespian craft which saw me accidentally engage in
homosexual sex with a young local man (who was dressed as a pig). Firstly, I
have since been subjected to abominable treatment by a group of young louts who
have loitered outside my home shouting “fancy a sausage sandwich Lancey”,
“Lancey takes it up the shunter” and other appalling would-be amusing slogans.
In addition to this ill-mannered abuse, I have also been charged with public
indecency. Let me make it absolutely clear - I am not a ‘gay’. What happened was
simply an actor’s dedication to the role in the heat of the moment: to all
intents and purposes, I believed I was having sex with a farmyard animal.
I hope that clears the matter up and restores my hitherto spotless reputation.
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